chapter 52 *Wingspan*

i rest my head on the desk and close my eyes. i tried hard not to think about our impending plans at hand.

Mason was talking about something that happened long before i came and i wasn't in the mood to pick up on it.

i just hoped i wasn't running mile laps around the courtyard again before lunch. unfortunately it was a recurring pattern. one of cruel punishment as far as my sore and achy legs were concerned. ms. Pratt was a drill sergeant who loved to make us run for nothing.

as i waited for the bell to ring i allowed my subconscious to slowly drift and take over......

it was a cold stark night. the moon provided natural lighting that beamed straight down brightening up the cloudy grey-black clouds.

from experience i understood that celestial dimensions could easily be accessed once i slept and drifted outside of my body.

it wasn't an out of body experience, per se. more like my soul had jumped out of my 'casual body' and into a separate dimension.

Leaping was easy enough to accomplish with little effort to do on my part.

unlike typical rational people i knew i was not dreaming. i'd stopped ignoring my gifts and embraced them because i figured it was best to quit pretending that i wasn't seeing things.

I could see dead people. it was my gift, my medium-ship that made it difficult for me to get along with the outside world.

previous contact with these dead people told me that they're souls were unable to find peace. unable to live happily in eternity.

people hated cemeteries. personally, i felt like i fit right at home whenever i visited one. they didn't create a sense of dread within me, or sadness even.

bathed with light i walk further down the expansive dry land on the lush unmarked foundation and go across the colossal polished tombstones that held decaying bodies buried underground keeping my distance so that i wouldn't step on them.

i was convinced something more happens after we die and i had the first sneak peek as to what that was, though i couldn't say for certain what mitigating factors predisposed good and evil.

i look up and over to the string of skeletons with decaying teeth dangling from black trees that were lined up across a woodland grove on the opposite side beyond the cemetery.

i squint my eyes when i see something crawling around inside the eye sockets. there were meaty black spiders and jumbo green cockroaches working their way up and around the grooves that made up the skeleton heads.

again, creepy but not scary.

i didn't have a particular direction in mind as i walked and solely witnessed the cataclysmal event and basic overall annihilation of grave-passing that would one day cross over and impede our world.

maybe i was the only person who knew it but life on earth wouldn't be the same once it happened. i didn't know how much time we had and this sense of urgency, this unavoidable feeling that none of us would escape what was going to come, amplified.

i let my bare feet lead the way and gravitate forward letting my instincts guide me and noticed the sapless withered grass was overgrown and curled on the edges of the grave markers like dull untamed hair that refused to flatten out.

"hello?" my voice echoed around me.

silence was my response.

i had stopped walking and looked to the other side of the park where the exact location of the noise came from.

i turn my head cautious of the fact that i was no longer alone.

straight ahead footsteps started coming closer. heavy steps that echoed. i looked to see who was walking towards me but the wall of trees hid their movement.

"hello?" the dead calm of my voice covered the fact that my adrenaline amped to maximum and my heart jumped between my throat and collarbone.

"anyone there?" i asked louder this time.

when a form didn't take shape in the light, my heart that had climbed so far up my throat now sank deep into my churning gut. my chest ached so deep i couldn't form words.

"Aislin? its time to wake up. We have so much to do and i hate to say it but you're holding us back." a voice calls out from a great distance.

i slid away from the pain blinking as i scan the surrounding area, the trees a blur in my peripheral vision.

my name was called out again louder than before.

Screaming, i fall down to my knees where i stood and moan out in pain.

i was on my knees because of the worlds sadness that accumulated on top of my shoulders and was transmuted through as i wailed and begged for it to stop.

-it was the heavy sadness that caught me off guard and buckled me to my knees. a sadness so overwhelming that it felt like it could have been accumulated from around the world and like a dart on a bullseye was propelled on top of my shoulders. 

i had a splitting headache and a wave of profound sadness that came out of nowhere wasn't depression because i knew what that was like.

whatever that was creating this total body pain i wanted it to stop already.

i breathe heavily and feel the ground start to quake and give way benath my legs.

"Aislin?!" like awakening from a spell i open my eyes one by one, feeling confused, groggy, and unexpectedly sore. with a jerk i open my eyes wide simply to see wesley and mason standing up close to me with selfsame shocked widened eyes.

"you okay?" came masons calm voice.

i groan and wiggle my fingers to make sure that i really was awake. That was awful.

though skeptical, mason was the first to back away once i start to move my hand to prove to myself that i was alright.

i stared into brown eyes mesmerized by the sudden softness that i saw there, even as wesleys head dipped lower. though wesleys eyes glimmered with concern i looked away.

mason glanced at me and back to Wesley. and back again. he eyed me with a momentary skeptical defiance hardening his face, then walked away.

Did Mason realize i was lying?

i shut my eyes my hand going up to my heart as if i could somehow slow it back down to its normal speed just by touching my chest. i cant believe i screamed. god, i wonder what they're thinking right now.

I shook my head. No, Mason had no clue what really happened.

this was it. they would tell me i was a freak and that they never wanted to talk to me again. i would get over it eventually but words could hurt a person and i wasn't sure that i would be able to trust myself around people again.

people had a way of disappointing me and i was sick of it. like my mom who treated me like a stranger instead of her daughter. like the cops who only had one job to do and couldn't fulfill their sworn duty.

i was swarming hot red with residual anger and forgiveness in my heart at the drunk driver who was never found that collided with chanels car and instead of being a decent human being and taking responsibility drove off.

i may have said that i would rather spend time by myself but that was a lie that i told to protect myself.

i was sick and tried of feeling lonely all the time and sometimes i wondered what it would be like if i were one of them; a normal girl that better fit into wesleys posh world who was only worried about normal vein problems like zits on my nose and the friziness of my natural hair.

certainly life would be much easier and i wouldn't feel empty all the time.

i opened my eyes and forced myself to relax and accept whatever shunning that happened.

i let a tight chuckle emerge from me as i tried to shed humor on how messed up this was and made sure to never jump out of my body and into a different dimension when i was in class.

Wesley rubbed the back of his neck, color touching his cheeks. his facial expression illustrated alarm. "are you okay? ive been calling your name for a while." Wesley asks me softly. his eyes stick on me a moment and then jerked away.

i let out a short chirpy breath and forced a grin though it felt rigid.

my stomach did a somersault flip. "I must have fallen asleep." i explain, still startled.

the pain was real. so real and so excruciating.

"sorry that i worried you." i said pretending my nerves weren't shooting sparks like a downed power line.

Wesley gives me room to stand up and i look around to see we were the last ones besides the teacher who was busy.

i rush out an apology and turned in my seat to wipe the small line of drool that went across my cheek.

i shouldered my bag on my way to the sports education building with mason and Wesley right behind me.

the buildings all looked the same to me: dark grey stones covered with thick heavy vines of ivy.

not for the first time i wish i could rewind time and go back to the way things were. i tried not to notice a lot of things especially the fact that i didn't belong here.

i sighed and feigned a smile at them.

because of my cat nap i was going to make them late. i would face the consequences but it wasn't fair to them. "you guys don't have to keep me company. i'll be fine."

while mason seemed to forget about me he jogged ahead leading us to the training center, coaxing Wesley to hurry his ass up.

Wesley looks back at me concerned and raised a doubtful eyebrow. "are you sure?" he asks me uncertain. there was apprehension in his voice, a tightness in his face and a strained sadness in his brown eyes that i recognized.

that you wouldn't believe the truth even if i wanted to tell you? yeah, without a doubt. i nod my head.

"yeah." i smile to reassure him that i would be okay. "you guys should go. i want you guys to go on without me. i'll be right behind you."

Mason grabs Wesley by the arm and forcefully tugs on his sleeve. "great. say goodbye." mason tells Wesley as they bolt.

with my backpack beside my hip i sped toward after them. i jogged through the hallway and a pair of double doors that lead into the main area. instead of following them to the boys locker room i change direction completely once i come upon a divided wall entering the left side specifically meant for girls.