Chapter 101 Wingspan

"The truth is a tricky thing. You think you can aim it at me but it will blow up in your face....." 

  

the garden was the perfect invitation for comfort and peacefulness if you wanted to get to some place quiet. Just think for the extent of time that i was by myself this was all mine. i smile like a big goofy idiot. boy did that sound nice. 

both kira and toby had promised to give me room to breathe. hah. there wasn't enough time in a day for me to fully conceptualize what they were going to do to me. such good "friends". The Angels thought I was the destroyer- you've heard about it. doomsday, the big shebang. Apparently the world was going to end and I was supposed to bring about the apocalypse. 

Here's the thing: I didn't have a malicious awful bone in my body. Did I tell people off who cut in front of me no. I like to think they had what was coming to them. But I didn't necessarily believe in prophecies.

Rider was up to something and Wesley left Starkhouse to track him down.

as for wesley, he distanced himself not just from me but everyone. i couldn't blame him for needing to get away from this place. his best friend died, rider was loose in the city making an army of his own.

needless to say things in the shadowlands were going off the wall.   

fortunately the human world that surrounded me was ever still mundane as it could be. 

frosty chilly weather bit into my skin pulling me up from out of my sleepy thoughts and gripping me upright into reality with a brutal yet still mutually effective wake up call. 

Normal I was far from

i lifted my arm, sitting myself up stiffly, yawning gruffly into the frigid air as i took a good look around. I grimace. Highlight the black cloud over my head why don't you. 

-i was getting used to being very cold and so having numb, well, everything didn't bother me as much anymore mainly because i couldn't feel anything. 

it was times like this when i couldn't begin to remember what pleasant felt like i contemplated as i sat there on the undisturbed round marble stone bench hugging myself underneath a solid row of black trees with unnaturally skinny branches as I Imagined flower buds slowly unfurling and stretching toward the sun. 

It never lasted but my conquest to be normal always made an impression. I could think up any fantasy and i would let the warm turquoise water pool in waves over and around my body, or feel the fine sand sink underneath and set firmly in between my toes. I took an invigorating hike up the mountains just yesterday. 

Doing it this way I didn't have to worry about impression jumping. I could just be.....and that felt nice.

drawing about the description In my head i used the now winter frosted roses by my feet to artistically construct them in full bloom when all of creation was alive and healthy. Now I could really see the picture as I smiled. 

in my imagination pointy rose stems turned a more rich vibrant green like the color of baby spinach as red petals open up in motion doing the dance of liveliness becoming alive again to greet all of mother nature in a festive celebration of the miracle of life and new starts.

new starts. a new start. 

as the semester winded down school was assimilating fast paced. my personal life even more so. i haven't seen either of my parents for months and so far i was okay with not being in contact with them. as for grandma, i kept her out of the angel business considering it was the only way to protect her. -Wesley assured me he would create a seal around her house before he left and he did.

chanel had a new ghost friend to play with. even chanel was busy babysitting mason the ghost. i was getting satisfactory grades in all of my classes. 

Despite everything that was going right in my life i was restless.

 it was crystal clear that i wasn't human and i sure as heck wasn't pure bred like them, a fact danika loved to point out a thousand times a day.  

i would sit in the secluded area of the garden here and there. When I wasn't reading up on Angels I was studying. When I wasn't doing homework I was here. I came to the garden for solo contemplation. 

It was my chance to get away. something i desperately needed so that i could remember what my life used to be like. Remembering the past caused painful anguish whenever I thought of what should have been happy times. Avalon made a mess of things. I thought not talking about her would change things but it only made her presence louder until I had to accept the fact that she got what she wanted. 

I couldn't stop thinking about her. And now she was out of the mental institution. I would think about her later right now the question then became more demanding, more immediate. Since i wasn't human then i was something else entirely. But what??

neither of the Angels knew for certain why i was even alive. What purpose did I have if I wasn't human. 

And here I was wondering when the next attack would happen. everyday proved to be more dangerous than the next. rider was a bad angel and everyone knows bad angels borrow without telling.

the garden was my only safe haven when things got to be to much for me to handle. it was always deserted whenever I came so it surprised me to hear the crunch of leaves some spot not far from where i sat. right away i felt violated and irritated for being disturbed.

however, never once did it occur to me that i wasn't the only one to know about the place.

  I didn't answer my ability to speak hindered by the tightness in my throat. Thoughts crashed about as panic filled my head. Go away Go away Go away!! Go go go Go GO

"I'm meeting someone here so you should leave." I didn't turn around on purpose. I figured if I gave this guy or girl the cold shoulder they could take the hint and leave me alone like i wanted.

i could feel someone staring back at me probably searching to find out if the words I spoke were true.

"dead flowers interest you?" Rider asked me.

 I could feel my ears throbbing while my nervous system sent a million warning signals to my brain. My heart rate picked up. I refused to look scared clenching my jaw tight unblinking. I saw the moment he realized he would hear no different from me and that kicked up my need to flee from what was a life or death situation.

That feeling of being trapped like a cornered animal filled me, the need to escape clawed it's way from up my throat.  

i stay quiet not saying a word in hopes that the person who invaded my space would let me be. 

Just turn your brain off and disappear I cringed.

i had to say that was a voice i never counted on hearing. him showing up whether by entering my subconscious or sneaking around campus in the flesh would only cause trouble.

rider cocked his head as he surveyed me. his devilish eyes that bore into my soul made me feel disgusting. i wanted to run to my dorm and wash off the filth he brought with him. 

"tell me am i in your dreams?" he asked me, truly curious. his light brown eyes searching for my honesty. 

if i told him the truth he would know he won. no.  i couldn't give him that satisfaction. "Do you know how broken you are?" i asked angrily.    

rider looked at me pleased. he grinned maliciously. "Ok so let me see the truth what am I denying?"

he was bad i knew but it was time for me to get answers. i knew for whatever reason that rider would tell me anything even though he was working for the other side. there was always an honesty between us. and thats what caused me to reel him in. seeking answers i bared my soul. this was between rider and me. 

"You asked me if you were in my dreams. You are. In my dreams we're friends." i tell him in anguish. i wouldn't have dared to tell toby. i couldn't bear to see his face if I did. 

rider smiled pleasantly at me. at first i thought he was going to just stare at me but then he started speaking and i listened. "Behind that macho facade of yours you're suffering and I know why. you can fool everyone else but you can't fool me. You're in crisis."

he drew my attention. was he purposefully pooling me into the darkness? god it felt like it. and to be honest, i couldn't deny how tempting he sounded.  

"I know exactly who I am." rider continued seemingly unaware how his words affected me. "Most people they spend their whole lives hiding trying to please everybody else. Not me. I enjoy the irony of living masked identities in order to be my true self."

what was it that captivated me? was it the power. maybe. -i had to admit not feeling scared all the time had its perks. or it was the fact that i could increase my power tenfold. i knew rider knew of a way to make it happen just by looking at his smugness. he was reeling me by the hook and he was full aware how close i was to jumping. 

i watched as rider grinned. "no worries love. i came as a farewell gesture." the hood on his jacket was kept down. i could see his face perfectly clear. it was cunning of him to portray as a nobody while secretly fostering his evil plan. 

but if he wasn't here for me then what was he trying to prove?

"you can see why i'm having a hard time believing you, right?" i made sure to keep a safe distance from him. i scoot on my butt all the way to the edge of the bench ready to make a run for it.

"Tsk." Rider corrects me. "dont misinterpret gentleman's courtesy over weakness my dear."

i kept it cool as i spoke to him. "you say that now." if i made him believe that i wasn't going to bolt then i might catch him off guard.

His presence was domineering. rider never once made a move towards me. he stood across from me hands by his side keeping his distance. "you know, i dont think i've ever met this side of you. its quite refreshing for a change and less bothersome. without that nifty little power of yours i find my job simple." he laughs.

"you turned quiet all of a sudden. hmm. it makes you think, doesn't it?" rider asked looking at me

i felt queasy. he affected me like no other. All of a sudden it was as if the world around me twirled fast and I grew nauseated. "you talk too much." i try to throw him off. i needed to keep him distracted so that he wouldn't kill me just yet.

rider raises both hands in front of him leveling them to replicate a balance weight. Like clockwork one hand goes higher while rider lowers the other one considerably.  "what to choose. dark. light. it's all terribly confusing." he ridicules. then a shadow obscures his face. His voice turns a pitch darker. "me i personally like the independence of being sinful and wicked. i don't care about who i hurt or how it affects the universal balance blah blah blah. its all terribly boring." 

i keep my tone even so that he would not register how i truly felt. i snort feeling way more brave than any girl ought to. "either make sense or move on." i tell him upset that i allowed him to get to me.

his lips quirk two inches high. a deep curve etched on his face. riders light brown eyes twinkled. "i can tell you this; wesley has always been a sort of temptation for you. that's why toby won't go near you. he's afraid you'll betray him again. if you ask me love corrodes the heart. that's why so many die."

"i don't care what you say. i know how i feel." i argue vehemently.

rider makes a loud noise with his tongue. he looked at me all high and mighty and was getting ready to prepare me a lecture. "if it's one thing we can never escape, it's the past. you know it. i know it. haven't you suffered enough by now my pet? it doesn't matter how far we run haven't you learned nothing at all. you'll keep feeling it until you accept who you are."

i stand up ready to defend my beliefs even if it meant showing him my hand. "you don't know anything." i seethe.

rider laughs mockingly. "don't be a foolish girl. dont you know a war is coming mon cherie. you must choose whose side you're on. otherwise you'll end up another casualty like your friend mason. and just between you and me i need you dead or alive." he tells me. 

his snide remark caused me to launch my full weight forward. rider easily sidestepped away from my open palm. i lurched at him swinging my good arm in a full arch. i missed and cursed. rider was smart and too fast for his own good. 

rider grins stepping away from me. "until next time." he gives me one more thought and leaves. 

i watch him from my spot on the bench as he walks away trudging into the snow with his knee high boots. i had to get in touch with toby. if i was right rider got what he wanted and was on the move.